MALANEY: Alright. We are in the outro, and Dina is here taking a break from her crazy week, and we are almost two weeks married.
DINA: but it feels like a decade… ahah [laughing at herself]
MALANEY: oh wow, that’s so funny.
DINA: . I didn’t say it felt like a long decade. Did anyone ask you any questions about being newly married?
MALANEY: uhh someone tweeted at me, “if you guys were together for almost ten years why get married now?”
DINA: . Was that me?
MALANEY: Does sound like you. But. You. Oh god. YOU… let me just explain how spoiled you are for the pod people. The other night I was getting organized and folding laundry and packing and I don’t know I was busy, and this woman, here, she was like “can you come here, I need you to hear this joke I just made about this thing that just happened on this tv show I am watching without you.”
DINA: . [laughing]
MALANEY: that’s almost a direct quote.
DINA: . uhhh, uhm. It was more like “do you want to hear this funny thing.”
MALANEY: and then, I come over to the couch to hear this super amazing joke and..
DINA: [interrupting] You didn’t… uh you know you didn’t really appreciate the kind of humor I was going for, you know… if you had been there in the moment you would have said, “Dina, you’re so funny, I am so lucky that you agreed to marry me, because I would be so lost without you.” Also, I feel like this happened like a few weeks ago.
MALANEY: and then one of these nights she stole ALL the blankets and it was so cold. And I tried to wake you up, because you burrito’d yourself in the blankets, and sleeping Dina was like, “I don’t know, get your own.” And then I told her what she said to me in her sleep, and she was like, “Well, did you?”
DINA: Aww we’re so … cute. It’s the honeymoon phase, what did you expect?
MALANEY: such love.
DINA: relationship goals. [laughing] This is such a train wreck are you really putting this on the air?
MALANEY: MMHM, unedited just the way you demand. And speaking of demands, yes twitter, I do know that we did once many months ago say we were going to develop on a lesbian/queer podcast on issues and news and stuff or conversations I don’t know something like that that seemed like we really need it, which we do, but we haven’t had time to do it, so it’s in your hands, but let me give you some of the names that Dina text me for us to consider for our podcast…
DINA: uhh let’s not
MALANEY: These are all of Dina’s suggestions for our podcast that we keep saying we are going to start, just a note that, they are all bad names and way more explicit than I ever am on this show so maybe skip the next 30 seconds, but here is the running list of names she has texted me over the last year: “a gay in the life; classic cliterature; living it lez; gay today!; peach lesbellinis…” okay PAUSE, explain, why?
DINA: uhm I don’t know I think I just wanted a peach bellini
MALANEY: oh I thought there was some stereotype joke or something I didn’t get.. okay back to this list, “the girl outs; the outer circle; the los angeles todger dodgers; pussy people; better lez than never; gayby boomers; lezin’ out loud…”
DINA: I think some of those are great names!
MALANEY: you guys should see how red her face is right now
DINA: I’m laughing!!
MALANEY: and that’s how far we’ve gotten on our future podcast.
DINA: and now that you’re busy developing your Netflix show…
MALANEY: ohhh nice little cross promotion, yeah it’s a busy time, it was even too busy for us to honeymoon
DINA: do you think that’s bad marriage luck?
MALANEY: hmmm I don’t know, but probably not as much bad luck as stealing all the blankets from your wife at night.
DINA: I am sorry, okay? But I did think it was actually very nice that you didn’t really wake me up about it.
MALANEY: MMHM.
DINA: you know one day, I hope we do finish our plans for a gay pod show thing with just us because I think it would be fun and also, the poor people who listen to this for news don’t have to like listen to this crap between us anymore.
MALANEY: I also hope that. ONE LAST THING from twitter, who was right about the bread maker…?
[long pause]
MALANEY: DINA?
DINA: [mumbling incoherently]
MALANEY: Oh no. A few months ago, she came on here and she was like why do I need to buy you this high quality bread maker, it will taste fine with the dumb amazon version of this, or we can just go to a bakery, and then I said, I am going to make bread and in it and if you love it you have to come on the show and tell everyone how wrong you are.
DINA: I mean, I’m not actually wrong about this, because I’ll never know if it’s the best bread I’ll ever have…
MALANEY: You are eating it right now!
DINA: I mean, yeah, because that’s what we have for bread… if we had other bread I would be eating that bread.
MALANEY: The bread that I made in this, is so good. It’s absolutely perfect. She ate basically all of it.
DINA: you know what the problem is, is that we didn’t buy both bread makers so I can’t really make a judgment call..
MALANEY: you are so full of
DINA: bread!
MALANEY: yeah. Bread…
[. . .]