Dina: I once met a woman at the after party of a wedding reception.
Mal: I once met a woman at an engagement party over a year prior to seeing her again at a wedding after party
Dina: We had a very short conversation, and she never told me her name, but I just knew when we were talking that it was something that I was interested in exploring, but then she left.
Mal: I later saw this woman again, who I remembered meeting previously and having already introduced ourselves to each other did not feel it was necessary since we were already talking again, casually, and I remembered her name, Dina, the lesbian immigration lawyer, but I had to go, and Dina, seemed oblivious to my cues that it would have been totally appropriate to walk me out or with me… but I was sure I would see her again
Dina: I thought maybe I should leave too, and maybe we would leave together, but by the time I had mulled over whether this was creepy or appropriate she was already gone. And even though tv, movies, and craigslist ads make us believe missed connections are life changing opportunities, I figured I should just let this go, I probably wouldn’t see her again.
Mal: Not long after this I took a six month assignment out of Israel as a freelance journalist, as I was recovering from being very publicly fired from my network broadcasting job.
Dina: At this time I decided that actually, I probably could see her again, even though I did not know her name, because we had never met before, but I did know a newly wedded couple where at least one person in that couple probably knew who she was, and if she was at the wedding, she may very well be at any other dumb thing that newly wedded people feel obligated to host, brunch and crap like that.. –please note, that we are a newly wedded couple, and we will never host a brunch…
Mal: I would absolutely love to host a brunch…
Dina: so, for six months, I went to every gathering our mutual wedded friends had. And she never showed up.
Mal: Out of the country
Dina: and, and, no one, absolutely no one, knew who I was talking about when I casually asked about her
Mal: I’m friends with like 90% of the people in that friend group, and they all know me, I went to college with half of them and graduate school with quite a few of them as well…
Dina: They had NO CLUE, who I was asking about. Which is so strange, because I feel like my straight friends always try to set up the only gay people they know with each other
Mal: I have a very diverse social group… and eventually I returned
Dina: I gave it one more chance, hopelessly, I attended yet another gathering, and there she was. I was so excited! … Until, I saw her standing next to the most beautiful Cate Blanchett-like woman I think they were even holding hands, but at least I could talk to her again and this time get her name
Mal: My very straight work colleague and I were chatting when I saw Dina again, and I came over to talk to her as over the last six months many of my friends had gotten to know her because she had been coming to her all of her friend’s events, the people I knew, told me there was this hilarious but kind of weird woman I had to talk to, Dina, and I said oh I know her! Finally I went over to talk to her again and she said
Dina: I’m very sorry but I have to go. Probably for a real reason and not a fake one, I don’t remember. Once again, I did not get her name.
Mal: the name that you already had…
Dina: never heard it before in my entire life.
Mal: But, Dina was talked up to me a few times by people I knew, and I had always wanted to actually talk to her. We obviously both had our gaydar beeping, and since I had her name, which I had for almost two years now, I googled her, and learned a ton about her actually, well not really just whatever her firm website said about her.
Dina: I reluctantly went to yet another one of these social gathering things, I was not very social before but I had gotten to know this group of people since we had been getting together for almost a year even if I had ulterior motives, and there, next to Cate Blanchett’s twin, was that woman again
Mal: me…
Dina: and she came right up to me, and started talking like we knew each other, and were already on some kind of first name basis or something
Mal: and after we started talking I decided to give her my number and she was like great here’s my number text me yours
Dina: and I was in my head thinking GOTCHA freebie going to find out what your name is and pretend I knew it the whole time so it’s not weird and then she texted me right there and texted, “it’s me.”
Mal: and then we set up a date, and not once, before our date which was like two weeks away did she even ask me any kind of thing about what my name was… that she apparently didn’t remember
Dina: Because this woman, had never told me what her name was, and now we had met each other a number of times and seemed casual and were going on a date, it seemed like it could really wreck the situation if I had to ask her what her name was. It was awkward. I didn’t know what to do about it. So I came up with a plan, if the date goes bad I’ll never have to know, free pass. If it comes up during the date for some reason, second free pass, but, if neither of those things happen and the date actually goes well, which mine usually did not, I would just have to tell her, that for some reason she never introduced herself to me, and it would be weird but maybe it would still be okay, I mean if the date was really that good..
Mal: The date was ok..
Dina: it’s like she knew, I even asked her if her parents had any nicknames for her growing up… it did not help. But I thought the date went well, well enough that actually we were planning a second
Mal: and then she told me, that she had no idea who I was
Dina: That you had forgotten to ever tell me who you were…
Mal: that you never inquired
Dina: I inquired a lot, to many people
Mal: not to me..
Dina: that’s a 100% fair and accurate point, but for obvious reasons, as I was trying to be romantic
Mal: Nothing more romantic than that! She told me she didn’t know my first name, I was offended. But I didn’t cancel the next date, but also I didn’t tell her my name either, I didn’t really know what to think.
Dina: She was so upset, she cried herself to sleep probably. That woman of her dreams just crushed her unexpectedly
Mal: Well I definitely complained about it to a few people but… nothing drastic, and then Dina texted me a few days later asking me if I still wanted to meet up again and how sorry she was and that she was just really awkward and bad in awkward situations, which is strange because her whole life is awkward situations…
Dina: and Mal said, Dina, of course, it’s a completely reasonable and understandable thing that happened.
Mal: Yeah, and then I told her she had to figure out my name by then, and she did. And to show me she knew what my name was, she had a server staff at the restaurant sing me happy birthday, it was not my birthday.
Dina: and then, Mal tattled on me, to the hostess who yelled at me for abusing the birthday policy, and then she charged me for the free birthday tiramisu or whatever
Mal: crème brulee!
Dina: and after being together for almost nine years, we actually got married in September.
Mal: and I guess this is our close encounter, with… each other?
Dina: you’re always my close encounter.